After
Thayer's exciting entrance into the world we knew that a home birth was not on our agenda, but we were definitely interested in a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). My OBGYN was supportive, but wanted to do an ultrasound at 37 weeks to see how much the baby weighed. If it looked like the baby could be close to the 8 lb mark by my due date he wanted to discuss a repeat c-section, otherwise, he was on board with trying for a VBAC.
We hired our doula,
Jessica, again and were able to attend about half of the Bradley classes just as a refresher.
Gary and I had to process our past labor and delivery experiences several times throughout this pregnancy and even had other emotions come up that we'd never felt before. I love being pregnant and I love having newborns, but I HATE H.A.T.E. HATE labor and delivery. You would think that since that's the shortest part it wouldn't be so bad, but it's come to be the most difficult part for us.
I was given the opportunity to return to my alma mater,
Freed-Hardeman University, and participate in their Makin’ Music production. I
did the ‘right’ thing and asked my doctor if he approved because I would be 36
weeks pregnant. He was not on board with this at all. I felt I needed a second
opinion so I asked Jessica since she knows more about my daily physical
activity regimen. She approved, so off I went to jump and dance around on
stage!!
Upon my return it was time for my 37 week appointment. I found
myself recounting my diet and how I felt in prior pregnancies up to this point.
I gained the least amount of weight with this pregnancy, but felt the most
pregnant I had ever felt. I can't decide if that had to do with my age or that
I was chasing 2 other kids around.
I always feel anxious waiting on the doctor to step into the room,
but the day of my ultrasound brought on a new level of anxiousness. I hung on
every facial expression and word from Dr. Chesney. Finally, he announced the
baby's weight of 6lbs and 1oz and that he was comfortable moving forward with a
VBAC!! I’ve never dilated early and at this appointment I was dilated to 1 ½
and 50% effaced!!! I give Makin’ Music all the credit!!
Fast forward to the week before my due date…at this appointment I
was expecting Dr. Chesney to at least mention setting a date for a c-section
because he told me in the very beginning that he didn’t want to induce since I
was a VBAC, but to my surprise he simply said, "Everything looks great!
See you next week!" To which I replied, "If not before!" That
was a little bit we liked to do every week ;). He always chuckled. I'm sure he
has the same bit with every other pregnant patient, but I appreciate him
humoring me!
My goal throughout the entire pregnancy was to make it to May 5,
Cinco de Mayo, which was 2 days before my due date. It just seemed like a great
day to have a baby! Also, I am somewhat of a planner, even though that can be
questioned by my ability to keep the baby’s gender a secret, so having a goal
date and praying specifically for that date really helps me! So far, all three
of my children have come when I was ready and on the weekend, might I add, for
all of you out of town family members…you’re welcome! (If you sang that in the
voice of Maui from Moana, props to you!).
Everyone knew my goal date was May 5, so when that day arrived it
was like GAME ON!!! I went to work the
whole day and finished up everything. That entire week I had been preparing the
guys for my departure and making sure everything would be handled while I was
gone. I left that day feeling free and ready to have a baby.
At about 6:30pm I got a text from my friend, Stephanie, who had
her baby 2 weeks before! She had to have a repeat C-section and I was drilling
her with questions the whole night!!!! I wanted to know how her recovery was
with the 2nd section. How she did emotionally knowing she was having
another section because I knew she planned a natural birth with the first. At
8:56pm I texted, “I really think this is all about to happen in the next 24
hours and I’m starting to freak out!!!!”
At 9pm I was watching a Plunder video of my friend, Amanda, and
she shouted out to me and asked, “Are you in labor yet?” and I said, “Nope.”
Well, I guess I lied because I actually was :/. Sorry Amanda!
At around 9:30pm I called my parents. I told them I was pretty
sure I was in labor and just for ease of mind I would like for them to come up
for the weekend. They started packing their stuff and were on their way a
couple of hours later.
At 9:46pm I started texting Jessica. I hadn’t started timing my
contractions just yet because I forgot to download an app. Ha!
10pm I decided to shower and see if the contractions stopped or
changed. They didn’t!
At some point during all of this, Gary laid down with Wren and
Thayer while I tried to rest in our bed. I started timing the contractions and
they were very sporadic. 6 minutes, 4 minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, and then
they would jump back up to 6 minutes, etc.
I told Gary that as soon as my parent’s arrived we should probably
head to the hospital. They got to our
house around midnight. Thayer could obviously sense something was going on
because he woke up. My mom sat in the living room with him while Gary and I decided
to go back to the bedroom and labor for a little bit longer. Between each
contraction I prayed. The prayer was simple and direct and went something like,
“God, if I’m meant to have this baby VBAC please PLEASE let this be a quick
process. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do another day of this.” I prayed
this prayer on repeat in my head!
I texted Jessica about 1:30am with screenshots of my contractions,
which were still very sporadic and she asked, “Where are you feeling them?” I
was feeling them in my stomach and back and a few low ones. She responded,
“Since you are up, walking and moving around is good to do. We need to get the
contractions more regular by changing positions every 20-30 minutes, walking,
pelvic rocks, stirring on the ball.”
At that point, I got down on my hands and knees to do some pelvic
rocks (like cat/cow in yoga) and I was feeling the contractions in my hips for
sure!!
At 2:15am I’m beginning to get really anxious (what’s new huh?). I
text Jessica, “I’m feeling super anxious. It’s tight even when I’m not having a
contraction. I think we’re gonna go to the hospital.” Her response is why I
love her and having her on my team sooooo much, “Let’s pray. Lord, we thank you
for Kimberly and we thank you for this baby. We know that you have made us
fearfully and wonderfully. We pray that you give Kimberly peace right now,
Father. Take any worry of anxiety away. Fill her with peace and rest. Lord, we
know you are with us and care about us. We pray that you give us direction on
how to help this labor progress beautifully. We thank you, Father.”
While reading that prayer my contractions started coming every 2
minutes. Gary and I were already on the way to the car. I told Jessica we would
text her when we got to the hospital to let her know how far along we were.
**Side note** Gary’s mom and the Silver Streaks group from our
church were leaving for an Alaskan cruise that morning. The guy that was
getting the bus ready (at 2:30am) drove behind our house as we were about to
leave. So, he was the first one from church to know we were having a baby ;).
From what I hear, he bragged to his wife when he got home.
I knew that once we got to the hospital I would probably not be
allowed to eat or drink anything so I demanded Gary get me a Gatorade and
cheese stick for the ride.
Each contraction was more intense than the last. I had a hard time
at this point relaxing through them. I’m sure Jessica could sense that through
the texts because she reminded me to breath and relax! I remember telling Gary
that when we got to the hospital I just wanted to get the epidural. I couldn’t
do this any longer! I was looking for some sort of confirmation on his face,
but he never answered me and just kept driving. I’m pretty sure I said it about
10 times.
We arrived at the hospital and knew that since it was the middle
of the night we would have to check in through the Emergency Room. Gary parked
the car at the door and we walked in very slowly. He asked me if I wanted a
wheelchair and I said that it felt better to walk.
I had my first contraction after we walked through the first set
of doors. Immediately after walking through the second set of doors I had
another one. Note: these doors are like steps away from each other. The lady
behind the desk asked if I wanted a wheelchair, to which I replied, “No, thank
you!” She didn’t even ask us to come to the desk, she just buzzed us through to
the back.
We walked through the doors to the back, waved towards the nurse’s
station, and they told us to head down the hall and turn right. I had two
contractions before we even got past their station. One of the nurses ran,
grabbed a wheelchair, made me sit it in, and said, “You are not having that
baby down here!” I just chuckled and thought to myself, “Don’t worry my labors
are super long and this is still the beginning!”
She went pretty quickly to the other station that had to check me
in. They asked me some questions, but I don’t remember anything they said. Gary
ended up having to answer most of them for me. Then we began the trip to the
L&D floor. I can’t recall how many contractions I had during this trip, but
I know I was pretty uncomfortable.
Once we arrived on the floor they wheeled me into the first room.
It didn’t look like a normal labor and delivery room. One of the nurses jumped
up and said, “Is she having a c-section?” I’ll be honest at this point I wanted
to shout YES!! Let’s do it!! Let’s get this baby out now!!! However, I was having a contraction so I
couldn’t yell and I simply just nodded my head no. They quickly moved me to a
labor and delivery room.
It was around 3:15am by the time we got in the room. I still had
to change my clothes, pee (my favorite thing to do during labor), and get to
the bed. There were two nurses in the room getting me all set up. The first
nurse checked me and said, “Huh! That’s weird! Nurse 2 you might have to check
her too.” I said, “Is that a good weird or a bad weird?” Nurse 1 replied,
“Well, I think you’re at a 10.” Within minutes, Nurse 2 was checking me and
girl was not as gentle as Nurse 1. She was rummaging around in there like she
was searching for a treasure! She confirmed that I was at 10!
HOLY COW!!! Is this a
joke??! Am I really at a 10??? Gary immediately calls Jessica to let her know.
Luckily, she had already gotten up & dressed while we were on our way to
the hospital so she just had to get there!
At 3:24am my water breaks!!
Y’all this was the craziest feeling!!
In both of my previous labors the dr./midwife broke my water for me, but
this spontaneous combustion of fluid was insane! I just kept saying over and
over, “Oh my water broke. My water broke.” I think I remember Gary saying at some
point, “We know!”
Timing is obviously not perfect at this point, but sometime within
me getting in the bed, them checking me, and realizing I was at a 10 they
called my Dr. I just knew he would come because he knew how much this VBAC
meant to him, but to my disappointment he wasn’t able to come. So, they called
the dr. on call, Dr. Bratsch. They gave her the run down and she asked them if
I wanted the epidural. I answered no.
Jessica finally (I say finally, but it was literally minutes that
felt like hours) arrived and seeing her just brought this sense of calmness
over me! She immediately stepped in for Gary and let him rest for a bit. This
was a different process for him and he honestly wasn’t really sure how to react
to how quickly everything was going.
Dr. Bratsch was on the phone with the nurses again after Jessica
got there and the epidural came up again. Jessica leaned down to my ear and
said, “You are doing so great! You are about to start pushing! You don’t need
this epidural!” While I knew she was right, in the back of my head I kept
thinking about how I pushed for 3 hours with Thayer. I was scared to death that was going to
happen again. Jessica told me later once she stood up and looked in my eyes all
of my past started replaying in her head too.
The nurses continued to read my chart over the phone to the doctor
and then the dreaded word VBAC came out. The mood in the room changed
immediately. The doctor sternly told them over the phone that I didn’t have a
choice I had to have the epidural. Jessica tried to ask follow-up questions just
to understand why, but the nurses wouldn’t budge.
The anesthesiologist came into the room after that to give us the
run-down. I never looked the man in the face. I’m pretty sure I never even
looked in his direction because I was contracting one on top of another and
resting as hard as possible in between. I do recall him standing in the exact
spot with his hand hanging over the side of my bed where I had been grabbing
during each contraction. While he was talking I was reaching and reaching for
that bar, but his hands were in the way. My face was speaking to Jessica in the
torment that I couldn’t grab the bar and she interrupted him and said, “Please
hold her hand.” Thankfully he did!
Within minutes they had me sitting up on the side of the bed to
get the epidural line in. I remember apologizing for pooping because at this
point I couldn’t help but push through the contractions. I was belching
too…right in the nurse’s ear that was standing in front of me. She kept
giggling because I was apologizing and we both got yelled at by the
anesthesiologist. These contractions were INSANE. I’m normally a calm laborer,
but I had to scream through these especially when they are yelling at me to be
still and not push!!!
Once he got everything set back there, they laid me back. They
immediately put my feet in the holsters, the doctor arrived, and I was ready to
push. They were trying to find the babies heart beat through one contraction
and the nurse was pushing sooooo hard on my stomach I seriously almost hit her
in the face. We were definitely pushing against each other on the monitor
because I was trying to push her off and she was pushing harder to stay on. I
asked her nicely to move until the contraction was over, but she said she
couldn’t.
I have no idea if they even pushed the epidural in me, but after 2
pushing contractions and the ring of fire that I screamed through, little
Willow Jane was born at 4:09am, less than an hour of us arriving at the
hospital!
I just kept saying over and over again, “I can’t believe she’s
already here. I’m supposed to be in labor all day today. I can’t believe she’s
already here!” I was in such SHOCK that
the labor was sooooo fast!!
Within seconds of her being born my friend Rachel walks in. She was coming down the hallway and just missed the birth.
I had to soooo many emotions flooding my mind about how this labor and delivery happened that I had such a hard time even being in the moment. I was in shock for hours after she was born. I started calling and texting my family around 6 just to let them know we had a baby and everyone was in as much shock as I was.
I wouldn't tell anybody what it was until they came to the hospital, which was really really fun!! I got so many texts and calls of people trying to get it out of me all day, but never gave in ;). Sorry everyone!!
Willow is a precious blessing to our family and I am so thankful God decided we needed her!
After everything calmed down, we got home, found our new normal, and it was time for me to sit down and write her birth story, I decided I wanted to get the hospital records just to show me timing of how things happened. We had already received the bill and that $800 epidural charge, but I was interested in knowing exactly how many minutes before I pushed her out that the epidural was put in because it definitely didn't go into effect until after she was born. I got the records and, what do you know, they didn't even mention the epidural. The records showed what time we checked in, got in the room, what time my water broke, and what time she was born stating, "Vaginal Birth after Cesarean," but nothing of the epidural was ever mentioned. 2 hours after she was born, which is when an epidural has usually worn off, the nurse came in to let me use the bathroom. Thankfully, Rachel was still in there and helped me get up because I would have fallen flat on my face with just one person. I was so numb!!!
I couldn't have done this without my team and the preparation that went into it. While I do believe our bodies are made for this, I also believe that we have to practice and prepare ourselves. I'll be honest, nothing can truly prepare you for this experience, but the more you know how to react to what is going on the better off you'll be.
I pray that any mommy out there who wishes to have this experience is able to do it. I know it's not for everyone, but it truly is an amazing felling!
